I am a smoker and now a dipper since the price of cigarettes has gone up so much. A pinch between the cheek and gum will last me longer then a pack of cigarettes any old day. I have been slowly moving over to dipping more and more often then smoking. This morning as I was checking my email I wasn’t paying attention and instead of drinking my cup of coffee, I drank from my spit cup. Hell I don’t mind my own spit but hell when it’s cold and been out of my mouth all night long it is gross..



Since I have been having problems shaking this problem with the house fire and two people died.  I have been seeing a shrink for with my problem.  I went in a bit skeptical but now it has been three days since I have seen her and I have to admit that talking to her has helped more then I thought.  I feel better talking to someone.  I did talk to my partner, family, friends, and new online  friends hundreds of miles away in another state.  It helped some but not as much as speaking to a total stranger even though she knows my entire medical history.  It has made it easier to talk to her, it was like I was prepped.   I do feel a lot better and now know what I must do the next time this happens.

Very early this morning,

Am a firefighter and this past evening I was called to a fire scene. There was nothing different about this house fire other then it seemed hotter and bigger then what I have seen before. There is always different color of fire just not your orange-red glow. Many things burn differently and can give off different colors of fire it is very beautiful but also very deadly. Two people died in this house fire. It is not the first time I have seen people put into body bags and there is steam/smoke coming from the bags. I don’t know why this time I can not seem to shake what I have witnessed. This couple was found in bed and with two small dogs that were also dead. I wonder how they could not have been aware of the situation, having the dogs surely would have alarmed them. I am guessing and I know that is not going to help me with why I can’t get over the fact that this elderly couple have lost their lives for what??? I don’t know why as I am typing this out am getting very upset, mad to a point. I don’t understand what I am feeling at this time. I have not been doing this job long but for five years almost. I think that maybe I just need a break from this job. Like I said before I don’t understand and it is making me mad. Cause I know myself pretty well.

This just seems to have me caught in something new. I guess I am going to have to take time off to understand what is happened that has made me change.

It’s now past noon, and I still can not shake the feeling. I have spoken to my chief and he as agreed to let me take a few days off to get my head straightened out. But, since this feeling of overwhelming my mind goes to thinking of all those children and one adult that died in a house fire in New York City. It blows my mind that so many of them died because there was no smoke detectors. It amazes me that that simple piece of technology can do so much to let you see another day. If you value your life, and your loved ones you need one of these little gadgets. They do save lives, it has been proved over and over in your local evening news as you hear that a family was saved due to their smoke alarm and those that build them swear by them.. Well I have managed to get very sleepy again. Because when I get depressed I have a tendency to go to sleep.

 HomoRodeo.com is like a Campfire Gathering for rural gays in Cyberspace I have met a lot of people online and I honestly can’t say that I have ever known a site owner that gives back to the gay community as Harley. His website HomoRodeo.com is just a gathering site of information for cowboys and rednecks as myself that are interested in gay rodeo’s events. Getting all the information together just as an event planner giving all of us the hot spot’s to visit. Bars to party with all the others attending this event can meet in person from chat’n with others in the site chatroom , and accommodations where to stay at when you are new to a city when we go to rodeo event’s all over the United State. I think it is great that I have met someone like him that is honest and true hearted.  It is nice to know that there are still good o’le boys in the big bad world that are good at giving back to what sometimes seems lost.    .


sent to my email address from another rancher in North Texas.  Thanks Bud!

The fiercest lightning storm of the season spooked William Keefer’s three dogs and sent them running to his Ashland neighbor’s ranch last month.  Energized by flashing lights and rolling thunder, the hairy trio allegedly committed the farm dog’s unpardonable sin – chasing livestock.  Jackson County Animal Control issued four citations to Keefer and $2,400 worth of fines in the biggest enforcement case since Jackson County adopted stricter dog laws in August. But the dogs’ owner said his pets are not cow chasers – they did nothing more than escape their pen during the Sept. 17 lightning storm.

“I have horses, including a crippled pony, and a pig that can’t move,” said William Keefer, a former federal marshal. “If my dogs chased livestock, I wouldn’t be able to keep them. We got these dogs from the animal shelter and one of them is so afraid of things; he’s even afraid of cats.”

His neighbors have a different account of the dogs, however.  “People in the city see their dog wagging his tail and happy in the morning,” said Mary Morris, a second-generation rancher  “They don’t know that he’s been out with other dogs chasing livestock all night.”  In the early morning hours of Sept. 17, Ashland equestrian Susan Hunt said she watched a dog pack chasing cows on the Morris Ranch until someone whistled from down below and the dogs left the pasture.  “But nobody penned the dogs up and soon they were chasing again,” Hunt said. “I was working on a fence and the dogs saw me and started coming toward me. I yelled, ‘Go home,’ but instead they came up to the fence, got in my pasture and started chasing two young colts. The horses almost went through the fence.”

Hunt shooed the dogs off, calmed the young Arabians and drove to the Keefer’s house to confront the dog owner. She said it’s particularly easy for dogs to chase horses.  “Horses are flight-driven animals, much more than cows, and it’s a dog’s nature to pursue,” Hunt said.  Dogs can also kill a colt, rip a $5,000 mare’s hamstring or cause a leg injury if a galloping horse steps in a gopher hole, said Andy Lane, animal control senior officer for Jackson County.

“(Livestock chasing) is a fun and exciting thing for dogs, but it progressively gets worse,” Lane said. “Pretty soon they are bored with barking and chasing and then they take a nip. Then it creates an adrenaline rush.”  After the lightning storm incident, Keefer sent the dogs to out-of-state homes. Keefer said the Jackson County animal control officer offered to waive the citations and fines if Keefer would turn the dogs over to be destroyed. But Keefer and his daughter, Tina, refused.

“It’s like a witness protection program,” Keefer said. “Those dogs are in a safe house outside of Oregon.  “The county thinks it can solve problems by grabbing the dogs and killing them and the problem is over. But it’s a legal and moral issue.”  Under the new law, dogs in the country must remain in their yard. If the dog isn’t trained to stay on the property, the pet must be fenced or tied. Livestock-chasing animals are subject to relocation or having a microchip imbedded in their body to track movements.

“The law certainly benefits ranchers,” Keefer said.  Keefer said the fine was unreasonable – $2,400 for dog trespassing is a stiffer penalty than a drunk-driving fee. He also fears the law will be misused when a neighborhood quarrel arises.  “If you don’t like your neighbor all you have to do is say, ‘His dog chased my horse or cow,’ ” Keefer said.  But the lightning storm incident was not the first time the dog pack hounded the herd, Morris said. In August, dogs chased her cows to the corner of the pasture close to Interstate 5, causing a cow to jump the fence and enter the freeway.

“People stopped to help me get her back in the pasture but that’s a really awful thing to have happen,” Morris said of the cow that is valued at $750 and represents the family’s livelihood. “It put a lot of lives in jeopardy.”  Dog owners must be responsible for their pets, said Hunt, who owns an Australian shepherd.  “These dogs were allowed to run loose in a pack and they felt like they owned the field, like they had a right to hunt the pheasants, quail, possum, even the occasional coyote,” Hunt said. “They had a pack mentality.”

Morris agreed and said she doesn’t blame the dog.  “It’s not the dog’s fault – he’s just doing what comes naturally,” Morris said. “It’s about being a responsible pet owner.”  But just as important as responsible pet ownership is having balanced dog laws, Keefer said.

“We would not in any way run the human justice system like Jackson County and the state of Oregon does for dogs,” Keefer said. “The law states that any verbal complaint can have the animal control officers respond, seize the animals in question and kill them, with a very minimal appeal process – no due process of law, as we know it.”

Texas Wildlife Damage Management Service is the largest wildlife damage management agency in the United States protecting the resources, property and well-being of Texans from damages related to wildlife.  I am getting help from these people to help me with the coyote problem.  So that the other ranchers in the area will stop killing my dogs.  I could have shot the coyotes myself but that I think would not have saved any of my dogs lives.  I guess just having these big dogs here from Texas A&M University.  I hope that I will get some justice for those dogs I have lost to ranchers that kill and ask questions later.

It has been years since I last saw my best friend. I have tried different avenue’s in trying to find her. We found each other on Classmates dot com website. It is really very interesting how we met. We had both graduated from the same high school and we had never met one another. I don’t remember what year it was when I went to a business school. And there is where I found this chick that had to be one of the coolest people I had met. Our conversation went into our backgrounds an we discovered we had gone to the same high school and graduated within the same class. To our surprise & amazement all 4 years of high school and we didn’t see each other… that is funny at least to me.

All the time that we were going to this wanna be business school we were getting stoned before and after classes. The sad part is that we both graduated from that B.S. with high 90’s. Actually I don’t think anyone failed. How could you, it was a joke every thing that they showed us to do. I had done in H.S. there was nothing different or new that they had shown me. But, I had to pay for it…lol. I have to laugh at all the good times that she and I spent at this school. All that we did, some of my thoughts are blacked out. I don’t remember everything that we did but I know we had done a lot of crazy shit. Driving around town listening to the music group the doors in a her baby blue beetle bug.

She now lives in Arlington, Texas with her long time Husband. Just up the road about 300 miles or so. I am sure there is a whole hell of a lot that we have to catch up on. But, I am simply ecstatic that we have found one another again.. Lost for such a long time but now found and we won’t loose one another again. I hope.